Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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