Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
