Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
