I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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