Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
