ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
