forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
