I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
