I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
