Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
