my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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