dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
