What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
4 words: hood of his car
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
