my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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