Do you still have your period?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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