Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
