Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
