We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
