Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
