capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize