he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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