I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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