I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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