Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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