careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
