where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
