She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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