We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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