dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
