Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
