Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
