so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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