I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
