This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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