She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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