WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Randomize
