Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
