You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The ass gains better be worth it
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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