You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
