So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
