So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
