So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
