Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
