My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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