Non-Jews are for practice
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
