In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
