This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
