I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
