i jhust puked up my retainher.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
