Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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