we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
