It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
