I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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