Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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