i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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