Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
