Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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