im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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