I am full of burrito and curiosity
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
