I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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