nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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