guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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