Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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