a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
