we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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