My room smells like vodka and shame
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
