I hate your face
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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