Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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