i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
