she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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