I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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