I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize