My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
