I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
