i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
