i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
