I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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