For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
