Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
