i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize