i jhust puked up my retainher.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
