so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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