Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
