You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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