I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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