Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
