There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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