Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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