im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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