if you like me you must not know who I am
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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