We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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