She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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