there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
