I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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