I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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