I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I need moral support for this bender
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I lost the right to judge tonight
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
