Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
