Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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