Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
