you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
