Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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