I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
