I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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