In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
