Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
