Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
In other news, I just burned my penis
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize