Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
