Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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