What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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