got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
