barbara walters just said penis...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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