do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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