She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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